I had a good long talk with my Step Dad this morning. I called him because we are in the midst of our first winter storm, and he tends to over-do it when it comes to shoveling, salting etc. Not only will he do his own walkway, and the public sidewalk, but he'll do the neighbours driveways as well...which is nice, but he is 75 years old!

Sure enough when he picked up the phone he was out of breath from shoveling what has amounted to slush.

After lecturing him (like my Mom would have) not to do too much, and to come in when he feels tired I asked him how he has been keeping.

The last time we got together was in November in order to pack away my Mom's clothes, and personal belongings. Needless to say it was hard, and we were all very emotional. I was not certain how he'd been doing emotionally since, and it was nice to hear my Step Dad sounding in good spirits despite being tired from cleaning up the driveway.

We talked about how he just learned to make homemade soup for the very first time (he is quite proud of himself, as he should be) and how he has finally got the hang of laundry.

He told me he has been keeping busy including taking long walks to the lake and back. My Mom loved walking along the boardwalk, so I think he finds some sense of peace or Zen if you will from doing this hike on a weekly basis. Sometimes his brother goes with him, or he'll go with the neighbour and a toddler she babysits, and other times he goes alone.

He then chatted me up about his favourite tv shows, which includes Desperate Housewives, CSI Miami, and how he keeps up on my Mom's favourite soap opera the Young & Restless.

I did not bring up my Mom, and when he did, we did not speak of her too much, but he did confide in me that when he starts to miss her a lot, and the sadness gets bad he tells himself "she is on a long trip." In fact that is how he is getting through this, by pretending she is simply away on an extended vacation.

When my Mom died, my sister, and I worried that our Step Dad would die soon afterwards as he and our Mother were constant companions who were never apart for 30 years. His heart was shattered when she became sick, and passed away in their home as was her last wish, only 3 weeks after being diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. We thought that the devastation of her loss may prove to be too much for him, and in the first few weeks afterwards it seemed to be.

I had read before that many widows, and widowers get through their grief by pretending their deceased partner was merely away shopping, or visiting etc, and that this was normal, and healthy. I didn't get into that with him though....I just told him that what he was doing was perfectly ok and then we started talking about the upcoming holidays, and present ideas. I think he is going to get through this. And that is a very good thing!

I do not pretend she is alive, but I often forget my Mom is gone if that makes any sense. I do know that wherever she is she would want all of us to do whatever it takes to work through our grief, and I think we are all doing that at our own pace including my Step Dad.