I have to admit that up until the last couple of days I have not being following the 2010 Winter Olympics. It is not that I have any real issue with them, and to the contrary I used to love following the figure skating during the winter Olympics. Figure skating was one of the few winter sports that both my Mom, and I loved to watch, and of course discuss afterwards. She was looking forward to these games especially because they are being held in Vancouver, and my Mom was a very proud Canadian.

Over the past few months I have noticed I tend to be avoiding things that either my Mom loved or we both shared together. Her death is still somewhat fresh for me, and I cry often when I think of her. So in turn knowing she would have been following these Olympics closely, and cheering the athletes (she was herself a very good fencer) I have avoided them too......

....until I read about Canadian skater Joannie Rochette, and how she was going to compete even after her own Mother's sudden, and tragic death less than a week ago. Her courage, and spirit touched me, so of course I had all of my own fingers, and toes crossed for her, and today my heart is filled with pride for her for not only skating, but winning an Olympic medal!

She has been quoted by the CTV as saying:

"I'm sure my mom was there with me with every step, and I'm really glad I could do it, I still don't know how I could do this and not start crying before the music started."

I am certain that from somewhere her Mother is beaming a huge smile, and I am equally certain that wherever she is my own Mom is smiling too.

Congratulations Joannie! Good Job!

Photo Credit: CBC

Why is it that some people seemingly need to put others down? Does it make them feel better about themselves? Do their private bits swell when they are attempting to make others feel bad about themselves? I just don't get it.

I ran into three of these types directly, and in one case indirectly in the last week, and I just have to shake my head in wonderment at what motivates these people. I am not talking about kids in junior high, who most one would hope will grow out of this behaviour as they mature. All three of the people I'm talking about are over the age of 30!

People who are happy within their own lives, and self confident may give others constructive criticism, but do not judge or put others down. I can only conclude that the three "adults" I had run-ins with must be unhappy or insecure, and maybe this is the only way they can feel in control or good about themselves?

It is too bad that they cannot see how their negativity actually reflects poorly on themselves, because if they did, they might realise that instead of appearing superior they really just look like weak fools to the rest of us.

For those of you who have the 11 thingy happening you already know what this blog post is going to be about. Just seeing the numbers displayed on a clock will trigger some sort of response within certain people.

Since the time I was a teenager, over two decades ago, I have off and on seen the numbers 11:11 or 1111 either as the time displayed on clocks or my watch or license plates, and more. I see 11:11 on computers, receipts, cell phones, addresses, phone numbers you name it.

Once I tried to see if it was just a formed habit, and I had trained myself to look for it at just the right time. So in an experiment I covered up all the clocks in the house. I happened to have the radio on....and you guessed it...the announcer called out the time 11:11!

I thought it was funny, and uncovered all the clocks.

I have no firm idea on what is going on with the elevens, but there does seem to be synchronicity involved, and often during an 11 wave as I call it there are changes either positive or negative occurring within my personal life. My Mom used to see the 11s and was equally baffled by it, and my sister has the 1111 thing happening as well.

Image Credit

Sparked during a discussion about the alleged serial killing officer in the Canadian army, the question of whether or not we (the average citizen) should arm ourselves against the possibility of criminal attack on our person with weapons such as mace, pepper spray, knives, and other such devices came up on our forums. Many of these weapons are either restricted or illegal in Ontario, Canada, and in my own opinion with very good reasons.

People's opinions on this question started me reflecting on my life when I was suffering uncontrolled Graves Disease, and what drastic steps I may have taken had I been armed during the times when I felt especially vulnerable, and paranoid...or as my family doctor quite aptly would put it....meshugge.

I can say fairly confidently that had I been carrying mace or another weapon during the height of my suffering Graves Disease, under the right circumstances (a perceived threat) someone (almost 100% guaranteed innocent) could have been seriously injured, and if I had been carrying a gun I may have even killed someone during the few times I experienced extreme emotions, and anxiety. It is a horrible, sobering thought for me.....and may in fact be shocking for you to read, but it's true, and I thank goodness that I never actually caused any type of physical harm to anyone during those very, dark, dark days.

I am not in the least kidding or exaggerating as those of you who know me as an easygoing type of person might think. Matthew can attest to this having had to live with it. And yes, he is a VERY, VERY good man who was very supportive, and caring while the doctors got my illness under control.

Graves Disease untreated and uncontrolled can and does provoke paranoid delusions, and violent, sometimes extremely unwarranted angry behaviour in some sufferers. It is not the only medical condition or obvious state of mind that can do so, but it often goes unchecked sometimes years in people or is misdiagnosed leaving angry, out-of-control people not aware or knowing that something is actually physically wrong with them. I was not overly surprised recently to learn that the thyroid is always checked when paranoid schizophrenia is suspected. Graves disease has even been used as a defense in murder cases (Gah!) though I believe unsuccessfully.

BTW I am very much 100% opposite of the way I was, no longer "meshugge" or "crazy" in that I have full control of my emotions, and senses back, but I am very well aware that this is due to the medication I am on that works to harmonize the chemical cocktail in my body, and allows me to function normally, something that is impossible for people who have severe thyroid issues. I was lucky in that I received A LOT of love, and support from family, friends, and great care from my endocrinologist, which saw me through anxiety, depression, and angry outbursts that I had little control over. Having Graves is like being angry all of the time with no reason to feel that way.

Getting back to arming the average citizen, having a weapon in hand in my opinion means you are more likely to use it in situations where you feel threatened or under attack. Now what if your perception of the event is wrong, and you seriously harm someone, which is something you can never ever possibly take back? This scenario makes YOU the criminal......and it is something that can happen to any and all of us.

Based on my own experiences that do show that anyone in my opinion can have a lapse in good judgment, sometimes as a result of sudden changes in the chemistry of the brain (just one example)......it is best to avoid situations if possible that may make us vulnerable to crime...and leave the weapons to trained professionals like the police who are subjected to psych evaluations and are scrutinized, and less likely to harm an innocent person just because they are perceived to be threatening because of their intensive training.

And the police, and other emergency services are FAR FAR more likely to come into contact with violent criminals than the average citizen....this coming from someone who lives in a large urban centre where people assume we are more likely to be the victim of a violent crime.

I also am highly doubtful that being armed would have saved any of the Colonel's victims including the lady soldier who I believe would have had some training in hand to hand combat. Being armed may have given them a slight edge or their own weapons may have been used against them the latter being far more often the case then we may realise according to violent crime stats.

So no, I do not feel that society would benefit in any way from citizens that are armed, and themselves potentially very dangerous.

Wishing my Matthew, family, friends, and blogging pals a wonderful Valentines Day!

How does an accused serial killer and rapist become commander of a large Canadian military base?

I can understand post traumatic stress disorder, and other issues that could result from being in combat or any high stress situation, but that is not the case here. It does not sound like this guy just snapped one day.

However, do they not do psych evaluations on these people at the time they enter service or during the course of their careers?

If he is a psychopath as is being suggested by the OPP spokespeople (probable lengthy criminal history with multiple victims) then how did he manage to get into such a power position with no one cluing in or getting suspicious?

The question had to be asked, and I'm glad the CBC did ask it. And I do hope there is a some sort of public inquiry. It may be that psychopaths or people with psychopathic tendencies cannot be detected on screening? This should be for the experts to answer. And is there any way the military could do better with its screening in the future?

I shudder to think of someone like capable of doing such horrific crimes coming into contact with some of the world's most vulnerable people, Haiti, and Afghanistan immediately come to mind.

According to the most recent news the media is reporting that in a weird sort of twist he was University pals with serial sex killer Paul Bernardo. Birds of a feather?

And apparently there are three more unsolved murders from the 1990s that may be connected to the Colonel.

My thoughts, and prayers are with the victim's family.....and the great men, and women who are members of our Canadian military that do their best to serve this country.

For further info: CBC Article

It is hard to believe how quickly 20 years has gone by. On this day way back in 1990 the kiddo arrived at 10:05pm after a very lengthy almost 24 hour labour. She was a healthy 6lbs 3oz, and entered this plane of existence screaming.....she really hasn't quieted down since...

She was always such a fun little kid. A happy-go-lucky, and mischievous soul.

As she got older she made the very best video gaming bud, always there to collect the rupees, or slay the wicked witches....

....and her spirit of adventure only continued as a teen.....

....18 years later, and how proud I was as my baby graduated highschool, and was accepted by every University she applied to.

Happy 20th birthday Shrimp Toast! I love you, and miss you! And I'm looking forward to many good times ahead.....

This photo was taken at my friend's wedding a few years back. It is hard for me to believe at times that in 2010 my kiddos will be aged 23, 20, and 15! Yes, I was a mere babe myself when I had them

I made up a box for each of the girls with mementos that I have collected over the years. I have pictures, class photos, report cards, ribbons, greeting cards, drawings and other fun things for them to sort through, and store as keepsakes from their childhood. I have also written down info on the back of some photos that identify, people, places, dates, and other things that will be forgotten over time, or unknown by their own children should they have them.

The memento box project for the kids is almost complete. Next I'm going to start converting my Dad's massive slide collection to digital photos. It will be very time consuming, but much like the scanning of all the old photo albums, very worth it once finished.

Or have you noticed that everyone seems to be in a miserable mood lately too? Maybe its the mid winter blahs....who knows, but a lot of my Facebook peeps are using words like, cranky, crap, etc in their status lines, so I know I'm not alone in this.

On top of this crabby vibe everyone seems to have, I have been unable to get anything across to anyone lately without either being misunderstood, or seen as combative when I'm not intending to be at all.

The icing on this communication breakdown cake occurred earlier today when I inadvertently made my step-Dad cry, and in turn made him late to his eye doctor appointment by bringing up my Mom during what was supposed to be a simple phone call to make sure he was doing ok. No matter what I said to try to make him feel better, I just made things worse.

Ugh!

I think I'm going to lay low so to speak until the cranky storm passes.....

Space Shuttle Columbia rolls towards Launch Pad 39A, sitting atop the Mobile Launcher Platform, which in turn is carried by the crawler-transporter underneath. Columbia disintegrated on re-entry at the end of this mission February 1st 2003

Remembering these brave men, and women today, and always......

Image Credits: Wiki