Sparked during a discussion about the alleged serial killing officer in the Canadian army, the question of whether or not we (the average citizen) should arm ourselves against the possibility of criminal attack on our person with weapons such as mace, pepper spray, knives, and other such devices came up on our forums. Many of these weapons are either restricted or illegal in Ontario, Canada, and in my own opinion with very good reasons.

People's opinions on this question started me reflecting on my life when I was suffering uncontrolled Graves Disease, and what drastic steps I may have taken had I been armed during the times when I felt especially vulnerable, and paranoid...or as my family doctor quite aptly would put it....meshugge.

I can say fairly confidently that had I been carrying mace or another weapon during the height of my suffering Graves Disease, under the right circumstances (a perceived threat) someone (almost 100% guaranteed innocent) could have been seriously injured, and if I had been carrying a gun I may have even killed someone during the few times I experienced extreme emotions, and anxiety. It is a horrible, sobering thought for me.....and may in fact be shocking for you to read, but it's true, and I thank goodness that I never actually caused any type of physical harm to anyone during those very, dark, dark days.

I am not in the least kidding or exaggerating as those of you who know me as an easygoing type of person might think. Matthew can attest to this having had to live with it. And yes, he is a VERY, VERY good man who was very supportive, and caring while the doctors got my illness under control.

Graves Disease untreated and uncontrolled can and does provoke paranoid delusions, and violent, sometimes extremely unwarranted angry behaviour in some sufferers. It is not the only medical condition or obvious state of mind that can do so, but it often goes unchecked sometimes years in people or is misdiagnosed leaving angry, out-of-control people not aware or knowing that something is actually physically wrong with them. I was not overly surprised recently to learn that the thyroid is always checked when paranoid schizophrenia is suspected. Graves disease has even been used as a defense in murder cases (Gah!) though I believe unsuccessfully.

BTW I am very much 100% opposite of the way I was, no longer "meshugge" or "crazy" in that I have full control of my emotions, and senses back, but I am very well aware that this is due to the medication I am on that works to harmonize the chemical cocktail in my body, and allows me to function normally, something that is impossible for people who have severe thyroid issues. I was lucky in that I received A LOT of love, and support from family, friends, and great care from my endocrinologist, which saw me through anxiety, depression, and angry outbursts that I had little control over. Having Graves is like being angry all of the time with no reason to feel that way.

Getting back to arming the average citizen, having a weapon in hand in my opinion means you are more likely to use it in situations where you feel threatened or under attack. Now what if your perception of the event is wrong, and you seriously harm someone, which is something you can never ever possibly take back? This scenario makes YOU the criminal......and it is something that can happen to any and all of us.

Based on my own experiences that do show that anyone in my opinion can have a lapse in good judgment, sometimes as a result of sudden changes in the chemistry of the brain (just one example)......it is best to avoid situations if possible that may make us vulnerable to crime...and leave the weapons to trained professionals like the police who are subjected to psych evaluations and are scrutinized, and less likely to harm an innocent person just because they are perceived to be threatening because of their intensive training.

And the police, and other emergency services are FAR FAR more likely to come into contact with violent criminals than the average citizen....this coming from someone who lives in a large urban centre where people assume we are more likely to be the victim of a violent crime.

I also am highly doubtful that being armed would have saved any of the Colonel's victims including the lady soldier who I believe would have had some training in hand to hand combat. Being armed may have given them a slight edge or their own weapons may have been used against them the latter being far more often the case then we may realise according to violent crime stats.

So no, I do not feel that society would benefit in any way from citizens that are armed, and themselves potentially very dangerous.